When the phone rang last Thursday afternoon, our lives were forever changed. We got the call we had been waiting for–a birthmother in Texas had chosen us to parent her child. She didn’t know if it was a boy or girl, and she was due the very next day! We spoke with her on the phone Friday evening and immediately knew that this was the miracle we had been waiting for. This was our child.
The next morning she started having contractions so we packed up our car and began to drive. Talk about a whirlwind! She had a c-section at 7:30 pm that evening. We drove through the night, about 15 hours(!), to get to the hospital at 4 a.m. to meet our son. Words can’t express my love for him–it was instantaneous–and for his birthmother and her family, too. I swear my heart grew five sizes this weekend.
I have never felt anything like this. He was our child from the moment we laid eyes on him. I can’t stop staring at him.
We brought him home from the hospital a few hours ago and now we will be in Texas until we get approval from the ICPC to take him home to Virginia, probably a week or two. We are just now coming up for air and are exhausted, as we have been running on adrenaline and love and fear and excitement for the past 72 hours. So many emotions. So much love. So many blessings.
I have never felt anything so profound in my life.
There is so much more to this story, but I wanted to share at least this much for now. I will write more later… but right now I need to feed my baby (ahhh!)… thank you all for all of your support!
p.s. We didn’t end up naming him Charlie after all, but that’s for another post…
Well, it happened… my birthday was this past weekend. I turned 36 on Saturday. I am now officially in the last half of my 30′s.
I was expecting to feel a little blue about turning another year older and not yet being a mom. Last year, when I turned 35, it was pretty hard. We were trying to get pregnant and I was getting poked and prodded at the fertility doctor. Turning 35 at the same time was not easy. It was another reminder that the clock was ticking away and that I was not getting any younger.
While people age differently, 35 is the scary number you always hear when people talk about fertility. Doctors say that getting pregnant after 35 is much harder, much riskier, much more of a longshot. Fertility doctors put you in a different category at 35 than you are at 34. When you turn 35, you are considered to be of “advanced maternal age.” If I was not getting pregnant at 33 and 34, then surely I would not have any chance at all after 35. Last year on my birthday, it felt like the curtain was closing.
Running, for me, has always been cathartic and I’m pretty sure it’s what keeps me sane. It tires me out physically and energizes me mentally–both things that help me stay balanced. I also just plain love to run. Being in motion, running in the woods or down a country road, (especially with my dog) is one of my absolute favorite things to do.
So when I was starting to feel frustrated with the wait for an adoption match a few weeks ago, and feeling like I might be nearing my wit’s end, I went for a run. Instead of stopping at 3 miles like I usually do, I ran 5. That extra distance felt so good and was such a release that I decided to train for a half marathon. I’m up to 9 miles now and am feeling awesome. (My dog also loves to run–she’s up to 9 miles, too.)
A few years ago, I ran a full marathon. At that time in my life, I was going through some tough stuff and running provided a much-needed therapeutic outlet for me. I would go out to run and get lost in my thoughts, work through my feelings, push my body (sometimes quite painfully) to its absolute limits, measure my progress, and then be too tired later to worry much about anything. Running helped me stay healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally, then and it’s helping me now.
I took a little break from writing the blog, and thinking about our adoption, while I was in San Francisco for work last week. It felt good to be distracted and busy and, even though I was working, it ended up feeling quite a bit like a vacation. It was like a little reprieve from reality and the stress I was beginning to feel from the wait for a match. I feel refreshed now and re-energized, better equipped to handle the wait and ready for whatever is coming, whenever it comes.
It also helps that we have some great news. If you’ve been reading the blog, you know we were looking for a house to buy and then stopped looking for a house to buy. Well, wouldn’t you know it–after we decided to stop looking, we found our house! And it’s the perfect house for us. My mom kept saying that the right house would find us, and it actually did. It is such a happy house, with lots of natural light, big beautiful windows, and spectacular mountain views. It just feels good to be in it. It feels like home.
We got our 5th monthly agency update last week. Unfortunately, the agency ran out of our profiles last month and we didn’t get notified right away so we were only shown to potential birthmothers during the last week of February.
During that last week, we were presented to 7 women. One chose us as her third choice and the others had not chosen yet as of last week. This is the second time we have been chosen as someone’s third choice. That gives me hope and is exciting, but I’m really ready to be someone’s first choice.
This is probably typical of the roller coaster that is adoption–but I have been moving between feeling like it will happen any day to feeling like it is never going to happen.
We’re now officially in our 6th month of waiting–the agency’s quoted average wait time for a match. I’m trying my best to not over think it and wonder why we haven’t been chosen yet, but, honestly, it’s a little hard not to. Is it because we don’t seem like we’d be good parents? Is it because we have two dogs? Is it because I work? Is it because our current house is small? Is it because our profile is home made? Is it our profile picture? Is it because we aren’t enormously wealthy?
I know it’s a waste of time to wonder about these things, so I will try not to. I’ll just carry on, stay busy, and keep hoping for that phone call.
When we first started the adoption process, the one disappointment I felt was that my child would miss out on the benefits of breast milk, as I will not be breastfeeding. Will he or she be unhealthy and get sick all of the time? Is formula bad for a baby? Will it take longer for us to bond?
Breastfeeding is the gold standard these days and both the medical and mommy community tout it as the very best thing you can do for your child. That’s all you ever hear about it. Breast is best, yada yada. Like everyone else, I simply accepted that as fact because, well, it makes sense that the best thing for a baby would be milk from the most natural source. I’m from the organic generation and I have a healthy mistrust of processed food. But, I’ve been reading more and more studies and articles that claim to prove that the benefits of breastfeeding are majorly over-rated.
Some people might think it’s a little odd to have a baby shower when you have no idea when you’ll be having a baby. But, that didn’t stop me from celebrating the eventual arrival of Charlie yesterday. A friend of mine threw a baby shower brunch for me at her farmhouse and it was such a great time.
As I drove the winding country road out to the farm, I had time to reflect on our journey up to this point. I was on the way to a baby shower–and it wasn’t for one of my friends or family. It was for me. Even though we don’t have a due date yet, we know our baby is coming at some point (hopefully in the near future) and yesterday made it all feel very real. This is happening. I don’t know when. But it’s happening.